


In which there was Chaos

by carltheapocalypsebringer



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: I’ve basically gone through the 5 stages and accepted technohell, Other, absolute crack, how on earth can people add so many tags???, magical girl au, no beta readers we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:33:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26140450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carltheapocalypsebringer/pseuds/carltheapocalypsebringer
Summary: Dave wasn’t quite sure what he did in his life to deserve this. Did he massacre a whole orphanage in a past life? Was he a slave owner or something? He doesn’t have a clue. It could be karma over the potato war with that kid from school but he’s pretty sure this is a bit overkill.Dave tugged at the awkwardly short and frilly skirt. Magical Girl. He was 6ft tall high schooler and he was chosen to be a Magical Girl. What the fuck.ALSO CROSS-POSTED ON WATTPAD JUST CHANGED SLIGHTLY CAUSE I EDITED IT BEFORE UPLOADING TO AO3
Relationships: None, mostly just friendship.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 83





	1. Oh boy

**Author's Note:**

> A/N (Definetley not related to story): Dude, I can’t believe I finally caved and actually posted a fic this is wild

Dave wasn’t quite sure what he did in his life to deserve this. Did he massacre a whole orphanage in a past life? Was he a slave owner or something? He doesn’t have a clue. It could be karma over the potato war with that kid from school but he’s pretty sure this is a bit overkill. 

Dave tugged at the awkwardly short and frilly skirt. Magical Girl. He was 6ft tall high schooler and he was chosen to be a Magical Girl. What the fuck. 

“TECHNO!”

Oh right. He has to fight this...shadow? Demon? Um...hmm. Wait a minute. It kinda looks like a dog, thing. Greek mythology?

“TECHNO, PAY ATTENTION. GIANT. CERBERUS. SHADOW.”

Oh so that’s what they’re called.

“Ok, ok, I’m on it Skeppy.”

Dave did his best to swiftly weave through the beast's swipes, despite the fact he was wearing boots with 6-inch heels. He scanned the Cerberus for the crystal heart, the source of the monster’s power. A purple glint on the back of the middle head caught his eye. Finally. 

His eyes glowed gold, causing power to surge through him. He felt the weight of mechanical wings extend from his back, the jet engines thrusting him high up into the sky. The crystal was in clear sight. He felt the familiar wait of a rifle settle into his hand, and aimed.

Dave heard a gasp come from the comms. 

“No! Techno, stop! We need the crystal intact. No guns.” 

“B-But it’s right there I have such a good shot.” Dave whined, watching as his once in a lifetime shot pass by. 

He continued to stare down at the Cerberus, which was now barking wildly at him. Damn, it would’ve looked really cool. 

Dave summoned his sword watching it glitch into existence and crackle with energy. Wait a minute he thought of something even better. 

“Skeppy, watch this.”

He retracted his wings and dived down head first, shooting through the sky like a torpedo. Dave felt the wind roar in his ears. Pure adrenaline was pumping in his veins. Hell yeah. Oh man, this was definitely better than sniping the beast. 

“Huh? Oh fuck. TECHNO!”

Ignoring Skeppy’s cries Dave stubbornly aimed towards the Cerberus. In response all three heads began to charge up bright blue balls of energy from their mouths. 

“Shit!.” 

Acting fast Dave quickly re-extended his wings, narrowly avoiding the energy beam. He turned, ending up right behind the beast. The crystal was right there. The energy sword in his hand glowed brighter than before, ready to strike. 

“TECHNOOOO...BLADE!”

With a devastating blow Dave separated the crystal from the Cerberus. He caught the crystal his before it shattered on the concrete. 

Dave collapsed, uncaring of his current wardrobe, simply too tired and sore to care. For a brief minute Dave had peace.

“Ok, now purify the crystal and the Cerberus with the ritual!”

Dave quickly sat up.

“HEH?! I have to do them every time?! What a scam.”

“Dave, we talked about this.”

“I know, I’m just in awe of how inconvenient this process is.”

“Why are you like this?”

Dave simply shrugged to himself and grabbed his crown, placing the crystal onto it. He then placed it onto the ground, watching as the crown floated into the air. He pointed the tip of his sword at the crystal. Ok, now he just had to say the words. What were they again? 

“Dave, c’mon. We don’t really have time for you to mess around so much.”

“I know. I just, um I definitely remember them.”

“Dave…”

“Uh,” Dave awkwardly rubbed his head. He swears he had the words at the tip of his tongue just a minute ago. 

“Dude!”

Fuck it, if he doesn’t remember anything else is good enough, right? 

“BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD~!”

“Dave! Why would you even say that, I-“

For a second the crystal turned completely black and dripped with blood. Then, just as quickly as it appeared, the crystal got absorbed into the gold. Oh boy. 

Dave stared up at the crown, which had gently floated back onto his head, in wonder. “Does that mean there’s an actual blood god or something?” 

For a few seconds he didn’t get any kind of response. Dave worriedly tapped onto his receiver. 

“Zak? You good?”

“THUMP!”

“Zak?!”

“...you, a chosen, managed to accidentally gain the favour of the blood god. A god who is notoriously picky and has killed countless of his own hardcore believers who have failed to do so themselves.”

“Oh that’s cool. I needed an ego boost today.”

“...okay, It’s gonna take a while to explain all this. Come to my house before school, we need to sort this whole deal out.” 

Dave's eyes widened. “Oh fuck, right. Shit, my homework! Uh, anything else before I head back home?”

“Well, one, you should probably get your dog.”

“Floof? Don’t tell me he’s gone missing again. I swear to god, He must be Houdini or something.”

“Ok, that’s hilarious but floof is…Um, he’s not really, well, missing. You should look at the Cerberus.”

“No…”

Dave twisted his neck so fast he almost sprained it. Instead of the large and menacing Cerberus he was left with a pile of quickly fading shadows and one small and unfortunately familiar figure. He was faced with his currently drooling dog, Floof. Or is it Dogs? Is it still one dog if there’s three heads?

Ignoring that philosophical conundrum Dave reached out and pet Floof, letting out a little, “aw”, as all three heads began to whine for more pats. Floof was still just as small and tiny as he remembered. Wait a second...

“Zak, what’s going on with my dog?”

“What do you mean?”

Dave held up Floof by the dog’s armpits, staring deeply into the middle head’s eyes, like he could divine the answer out of him. Floof’s tongue extended licking his eye like a reptile. 

Never mind, Dave’s just gonna ask.

“Floof has two more heads now.”

Dave was met with a looooong pause.

“...That doesn’t make sense. Crystal mutations aren’t meant to be permanent.”

“What are you even saying, wouldn’t that mean-...Oh no. Are you saying that floof’s always been a Cerberus?” 

Nervous chuckles erupt from Dave’s receiver.

“Maaaybe?”

Dave hugged Floof close to his face, ignoring the drool, and screamed into his fur. Why? 

“Great. How the hell am I gonna explain this to Phil?” 

“Haha, you know what gotta go. Secret overseer business, byeee!”

“Wait, Zak! Help me!”

“Nope. This is out of my jurisdiction.”

“Skeppy!”

But it was too late. The receiver had disappeared and now it was just Dave, still in his Magical Girl outfit and Floof, whose heads were trying to chew on his hair.

Fuck.


	2. Isn’t this quite the pickle?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where it all began

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: There are misunderstandings.

If Dave were to explain how he got into this whole mess he wouldn’t even know where to start. 

He could start at his adoption where he was adopted and met his brothers, Phil, Wilbur and Tommy. Maybe he could begin with the whole overachiever phase where he got the best grades in everything and was a try-hard for all of the extracurricular he could do. Hell, he could even start way at the beginning when he was born. 

But starting at any one of these points would be way too tedious and boring. So he’ll just explain the abridged version and start off with Zak, the guy who dragged him into  
this mess in the first place. 

Dave and Zak have been neighbours, and then friends for about 4 years. Though their schedules had them hanging out together less they were still friends, just not really that close. Then he woke up in the middle of the night to find Zak with glowing  
blue eyes staring down at him while wielding a glowing staff.

“Holy shit, Zak what the FU-.”

“Shhh, don’t yell!” Zak hissed as he covered Dave’s mouth. 

Dave could only stare in disbelief. Was he about to be sacrificed or something? 

“Um, no Dave. Oh, right this definitely looks bad.” 

Shit, he said that out loud. 

“You haven’t exactly stopped sharing your thoughts, man.”

Dave chuffed, “Well at least I’m not judging someone on their lack of filter while being an intruder in their house.”

God, he definitely didn’t want to deal with this right now. Dave grabbed his phone off of the bedside table and hid himself beneath the blankets. After being temporarily blinded by the brightness of his phone he checked the time. 

3:28

Dave poked his head out of the covers and stared. Zak, with his still glowing eyes, awkwardly shifted for a bit, looking like he really didn’t want to be there.

“Why do you need to be in my house at 3am? I know it’s technically the first day of  
the school holidays but the sun hasn’t even risen.”

“Well,” Zak bagan “that’s a long explanation, that you’ll probably call me crazy for but I have a slideshow. 

“A slideshow? You broke into my house and you’re justifying it with a slideshow?”

“Oh shut up, you’ll see.”

With his staff Zak draws an odd, neon blue geometrical pattern with speed and skill Dave swore wasn’t human. Once all the intricate lines were put in place Zak slammed the staff into the center. 

“You say that now but I’m currently- aGH!”

A flood of light swept through the room. In most circumstances our pink-haired protagonist definitely would’ve found that really cool but unfortunately he had been focusing a little too hard on the staff’s movements and got the full brunt of the illumination. 

Dave rubbed his eyes and groaned in pain.

“Would it kill you to warn a guy?”

Zak sheepishly laughed. “Sorry, kinda forgot it did that. Voil-lah, slideshow.”

“Ok, I’m just gonna ignore that horrible bit of pronunciation.” Dave shuddered and turned his face towards the slideshow. 

What he was met with wasn’t your average, “oh fuck I have to present stuff to the class”, kind of slideshow instead it looked like Zak had straight up broke into Tony Stark’s tower stole it. It was a bright blue panel of light that gave a weird hum, like it was trying to mimic a microwave. On the panel there were the words, “THE BIG ONE” and absolutely nothing else. It was the most vague and intimidating title slide he’d ever seen. 

But before Dave could ask Zak interrupted him.

“Ok let’s start with the whole history of this. So there’s 3 realms, the End, the Nether, and the Overworld, where we are. A long time ago, the gods had more influence over  
these worlds because the world wasn’t as concrete back then.” 

Fuck, there’s a whole mythology. Dave tries to focus on the slides and well, anything Zak was saying but it was coming into one ear and out the other. Maybe if he actually had a consistent sleep schedule he could absorb the information being told to him but it’s too early to think about that. Can he convince Zak to let him have a coffee break or something?

“-And then the pig slaughtered the dragon and the other hunters, leaving with the potatoes that were rightfully his, He-“

For potatoes? This pig had his priorities straight. Speaking about potatoes, would the leftover baked potatoes from yesterday still taste good? Do they taste good microwaved? It’s kind of weird that they’ve never had leftover baked potatoes before. It’s not entirely unexpected since dinner’s usually a battleground and nothing’s left unscathed but Tommy had a sleepover or whatever so dinner was somewhat less chaotic. Man those potatoes are good. 

Say what you will about “obsession” or whatever but Dave prided himself on his potato farming skills. His rival may go on about “quality over quantity” or whatever after his loss in the war but Dave didn’t spend months carefully caring for his crops for nothing. He had spreadsheets, goons, and time aplenty. There have been a few close calls but he was the undisputed champion of potato farming.

“-so will you accept?”

Aw shit, he zoned out. 

Dave looked at the hopeful expression on Zak’s face and nodded. Yep, he was definitely listening. See, look at the totally focused expression Dave has. Don’t question anything. 

“Great! Now let’s do the transformation. Remember what I told you.” Zak exclaimed, holding up the staff and pointing it directly at Dave’s face, again.

Transformation? What, like sailor moon? Is he gonna end up in a frilly Lolita style dress or something? Pft, just imagining it feels ridiculous.

“Ok Dave, 3, 2, 1, Go!”

Suddenly Dave began to float from the comfy confines of his covers. Oh fuck he was being abducted by aliens. But he wasn’t floating through the roof so that can’t be the case. Wait a minute…. 

He was suddenly aware of the fact that his body was glowing an iridescent light and was moving through unfamiliar choreography, he might’ve been going crazy at this point but he’s pretty sure he even heard some inspiring, sparkly sounding music.

By the time that whole ordeal was over Dave had ended up with one foot off the ground, like one of those women in romance movies whose foot goes up when they kiss their partner, while his other foot was on the ground stabilising him. In his right Dave held a bright blue sword at his side, one that was alive, bursting with energy. It was probably the same kind of energy that powered Zak’s staff. This was juxtaposed with his left hand that was simply left in a peace sign that was pointing towards his face.

Overall the pose itself wasn’t bad, it’s just what Dave transformed into that left him stunned. He looked down and saw a mess of frills flutter around his thighs. Fuck. Dave stumbled over to the mirror he had on his wardrobe door, suddenly aware of the fact his feet were now trapped in leather, thigh-high boots, and froze. No fucking way. 

He looked at himself, illuminated by street lights outside. Dave was wearing what was basically an upgraded French maid dress. It mostly consisted of shades of pink and red, had an almost ungodly amount of frills, and was short as hell. He tugged at the poofy, off the shoulder sleeves and felt the heavy weight of what looked to be a glowing gold crown, and long ruby earrings dangling from his earlobes. Dave screamed into his velvet red gloves. He didn’t even have his ears pierced, this was fucking insane!

Zak coughed. “I, uh, hmm. That was unexpected. I called them magical girls as a joke. Should your chosen name be TechnoMaid or something? Techna?”

Dave wasn’t having any of it.

“Zak...what the fuck is this? Sincerely speaking, what kind of nonsense is this?”

“Look, I said that you’d turn into what you pictured in your mind. And you pictured a classic magical girl outfit. Which from my knowledge is very original.”

“Well... To tell the truth I was mostly zoning out. It looked like a very nice slideshow but the information wasn’t really...getting to my brain.”

“Ah, I see.”

“So you...see?”

“Yeah! You fucked up and didn’t read the terms and conditions before agreeing.”

“I mean...fair enough, but we can change this…transformation, right?!”

“A bit, but not entirely. You can remove a bit of the frills or whatever but the main components, the dress, the crown and the heels, that’s permanent, Dave.”

“Uggggghhhhhhhhh” 

He slumped onto the bed, holding his head and his hands and resting his elbows on his knees. Damn his love for potatoes. 

Zak cackled and held up his phone. “Oh man, this is hilarious! I need to take a picture of this.”

Dave’s eyes widened.

“Shit, Zak, STOP!” He pleaded but it was too late.

Click

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Dave stood up and launched himself at Zak, who managed to dodge it at the very last minute.

“Woah, woah, woah, be more civilised about this!”

“Give. Me. The. Phone!”

“No!”

Dave roared out a war cry, and chased after Zak. The two boys weaved around the mess of Dave’s room, climbing on and off the bed, jumping over piles of textbooks and dodging Dave’s awkwardly placed desk chair.

Finally Dave caught up and kicked the back of one of Zak’s knees, causing him to fall over, and pinned him to the ground. Dave hastily searched for the phone before snatching it from Zak’s hoodie pocket.

Dave sighed in relief. “Finally! Now just to...dammit! What’s the new code, Zak?”

Zak struggled from beneath him. 

“I’m not gonna tell you! Get off!”

“No! Tell me the code!”

“No! Get, Off!” 

As Zak said that he managed to escape Dave’s hold and try to pin the other boy in return, only to get headbutted, landing the two back to square one. 

Dave forced more of his body weight onto Zak and grabbed Zak’s hand, trying to get him to unlock his phone through his fingerprint. 

“Oof, you’re really heavy. Fuck.”

“Just! Give! Me! Your! Hand!” Dave growled.

“No!” Zak shored back.

This pattern of wrestling continued for a few minutes as the two fought for the phone. Though the battle for the phone was intense both fighters would never be able to predict what happened next. 

They heard the door creaked open and froze. They watched a hand pop in and flick on the lights. They watched a familiar face pop in with tired eyes. 

“Dave, can you please keep it down? We’re trying to sle-“ Phil began before pausing at the sight of the two, locked in place on the ground. 

“Oh. Hello Zak.” 

Zak stuttered. “I-uh, um. This isn’t what it looks like. At all.”

Phil raised an eyebrow. “Regardless of what is or isn’t going on d’you mind if you two seperate?”

Dave swiftly stood up, releasing Zak. The two ended up on the opposite sides of the room. Dave had his arms at his sides and eyes set stubbornly to the floor. Zak was looking up at the ceiling and fiddling with the drawstring of his hoodie. Both boys were blushing, mortified to be found in that position.

“Sooo. Explain,” Phil gestured to the two of them. “This.” 

“Well we-“  
“So wha-“

They paused. Dave silently told Zak to go first, using his eyebrows to gesture for him to speak, while Zak furiously shook his head. Dave sighed before looking at Phil, not quite looking at his eyes but staring at the bridge of his nose.

“Well I invited him.”

“I didn’t hear the front door open so that means Zak climbed up to get to your window, correct?”

“...Yeah.”

“Hm, what for?”

“Uh, summer homework.”

Phil tilted his head and crossed his arms.

Oh fuck.

“So Zak climbed up to get to your room, to do the summer homework on the first day of the holidays? Mind you the sun hasn’t even risen and I know for a fact that you can bullshit the whole thing in 3 hours, therefore it’s completely unnecessary to start so early.”

“W-well it’s better to do it now so we don’t have to stress over it later.”

Zak slapped his forehead and dragged it down his face, an action that Dave did his best to ignore. Phil glanced towards Zak in confusion before turning his focus back towards his brother.

“You don’t even wake up this early on a school day.”

“That just, um… is, no, uh. That...That just means there’s more time to...hangout.”

Phil stared at Dave. Dave stared back.  
Phil stared at Zak. Zak awkwardly looked away, not quite able to look him in the eye.  
Phil looked back and forth between the two, as if searching through their souls.

For a few minutes the room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Phil broke the silence with a sigh and an amused shake of his head. 

“Look, I know it’s embarrassing to talk about these kinds of things but next time, do it when we’re not in the house. Please tell me you guys at least brought a condom or  
something?”

“IT’S NOT LIKE THAT!”  
“Wait, why a condo- Holy fuck, no!”

Phil shrugged. “Look, unless you have a more logical explanation I’m just gonna make a picture out of all the pieces laid before me.” 

Dave looked to Zak for guidance. It’s not like he can do any worse, right?

Zak bit his lip and looked around, as if there was a hidden clue that can help them get out of this mess. He then striked a fisted hand onto his other palm in a, “I got it!”, motion. 

“Yeah, we were just wrestling!”

Technically Zak wasn’t wrong. Doesn’t stop Dave from dying just a little bit more on the inside. Doesn’t stop Dave from collapsing onto the floor and screaming into the carpet.

“Wait, no, I didn’t mean it like that, I swear!” Zak shrieked, the implications of his statement hitting him like a truck.

Phil sighed, once again.

“Look, this is completely normal and-“

“Phil, why are you giving them the talk they’ve clearly gone past that point.”

Dave paused his screaming and looked up. God, no. Anything but this.

From behind Phil, there stood Wilbur, holding a glass of water. 

Wilbur elbowed Phil in the side.

“Look, we should just go back to sleep, clearly they want some privacy.”

Dave slammed his head back onto the carpet and resumed his screaming. The situation managed to get worse. This was a tragedy that Shakespearean levels. He’d rather be on the titanic. 

Phil chuckled. “Okay, okay, just want them to be careful.”

With that the two older brothers left, the door closing with yet another creak.

Zak walked over to Dave and poked him with his Staff.

“Are you okay?”

“No.” Dave said, slightly muffled since he had yet to lift his face from the carpet.

“I’m just gonna go… Um. I was gonna delete the photo anyway.”

Dave just made a weird rumbly noise and tried his best to give a thumb’s up.

“I’ll text you later. We still need to sort the whole techno thing out.” Zak said before  
making his way to the window.

“Wait!”

Zak stopped for a moment, one foot already out the window.

“What?”

Dave’s face turned grim

“We never speak of this. This never happened.”

Zak nodded in return

“Definitely, it never happened.”

“Good. Now scram.”

Zak gave a half-hearted salute and jumped down. He watched as Zak fell into a blue-ringed portal and disappeared.

Dave fell back onto his bed, one arm over his eyes and the rest of his limbs spread out haphazardly. 

He should really pay more attention sometimes. What a disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not gonna add any ships between MCYT’s that aren’t already together IRL so don’t worry. I just like misunderstandings. 
> 
> Also, I originally drew some fan art that inspired the line, “-And then the pig slaughtered the dragon and the other hunters, leaving with the potatoes that were rightfully his, He-“
> 
> If you wanna see it go to my Twitter, @shaped_potato.

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna see some fan-art of I imagined them to look like, go check out my Twitter @shaped_potato. I mean I went a little crazy with the skull tree, forgot about the fact that the scene was set in a city and didn’t really emphasise the whole magical girl aspect but, eh. Floof looks pretty neat though.


End file.
